Making a major life change—such as moving on after domestic abuse—can definitely be stressful, but it can also be an opportunity to drop a few bad habits and make positive changes to your lifestyle. If you’ve been experiencing stress, anxiety, relationship issues, or depression, this could be the best time to start making better choices. Whether you want to work on your mental health, physical health, or just boost your confidence and start setting goals, there are several ways to get started. Here are some ideas from More Positive Me on how you can use a period of transition in your life to develop positive change: Become your own boss Is your job a source of your stress? Do you feel stuck in a workplace that doesn’t value you or allow you to move up? Maybe you’ve experienced a setback at work that’s left you feeling uncertain about your skills. Many people are discovering the benefits of working for themselves, which include the opportunity to work from home, the chance to do something you truly love for a living, and the ability to extend jobs to others while contributing a worthwhile product or service to your community or society as a whole. There are several funding opportunities available for individuals with great ideas , including grants and crowdfunding platforms , and you can also find resources online that will help with the process of structuring your business. Take charge of your career Not ready to start your own business? It’s still possible to take charge of your career by making some changes that benefit your goals. If your job doesn’t fulfil you anymore, or if you simply want to make a big change to your income possibilities, consider embracing a different path for yourself. You might go back to school to earn an advanced degree or start updating your resume so that it accurately reflects your skills, certifications, and abilities. Look online for a free resume template that allows you to start with a professional format and customise it with your own text, fonts, colours, and images in order to make the entire process stress-free. A Google Doc offers a resume template, and you can save or email a PDF version of your Google Doc once you’ve completed it. This is very helpful during your job search as you can create different resume versions tailored to the specific jobs you’re applying for without having to bother with printing. Change your environment Whether you’re starting a new job or moving to a new city, this is a great opportunity to change up your living environment for the better. Give your home a deep clean, declutter thoroughly, and go through your belongings to see what you might be able to throw away or donate; you might even make some extra money by selling a few items online. Getting organised and removing clutter from your home can help you feel more in control while boosting your mental health and even your sleep quality, and doing so now will enable you to make a smooth move or start your new career without stress. Focus on your needs Experiencing a major life change of any kind can throw everything into focus, including how much time you spend on yourself. Staying busy and working toward your goals can be a good thing in short amounts, but when you’re unable to care for your mind and body, it will start to take a toll. Getting better sleep , fitting in activity, and taking steps to listen to your needs by practising mindfulness are all great ways to focus on yourself even when you have a lot going on. Using a life transition to your advantage shouldn’t be stressful. Take your time, start small, and think about what kinds of changes you need to implement in order to be happy. For more resources for survivors of domestic abuse, visit More Positive Me today! We are currently Crowdfunding for our next round of face to face courses across Devon. Please take a look, donate if you can, every little helps. https://www.avivacommunityfund.co.uk/p/empowerment-after-domestic-abuse-1

What is domestic abuse? Domestic and intimate partner violence (DV/IPV) has a few different names. Some people call it domestic abuse . Others prefer the term relationship abuse, as the abuser doesn’t actually have to live in the same residence as the abused for the mistreatment and violence to occur. Whatever you call it, domestic abuse is physically and mentally devastating. Relationship abuse and domestic violence can happen to anyone. In an abusive relationship, the abuser physically harms, arouses fear, prevents their partner from doing what they wish, or forces them to behave in ways they do not want to. They do this through tactics including violence, economic deprivation , and psychological manipulation . Abuse isn’t always obvious. Sometimes, abusers use subtle and continual behaviours as a means of gaining control over their partner. Warning Signs of Domestic Abuse It’s never easy for a person to admit the person they love is abusive. Many people stay in denial of their situation until it is too late. Sometimes, the abused isn’t necessarily in denial, but they hide their partner’s actions out of fear or shame. While these warning signs are certainly not all encompassing, they are likely to be observed in a domestic abuse situation: ● Evidence of physical abuse, including bruises, busted lips, and sprains. The abused may try to hide these marks with makeup, clothing, and sunglasses. They may excuse the marks as evidence of them being accident-prone. ● Abused people may complain of sleep disorders. The anxiety and physical stress abuse creates can cause insomnia or hypersomnia disorders. ● If the abused has transitioned from being bright and outgoing to suddenly being withdrawn and unusually quiet, it could be cause for concern. ● Abuse wreaks havoc on a person’s self-esteem. The abused may show signs of depression , substance abuse , and uncontrollable anxiety. ● Abusive partners have a deep desire for control. The abused has to ask permission to go somewhere, the abuser is constantly “checking in,” and the abused often misses out on plans for vague reasons involving their partner. Getting Out of Domestic Abuse If you or someone you know is in a domestic abuse situation, the most important thing to do is get out and stay out. This is a lot easier said than done. The abused may still have feelings for their abuser, and will make up excuses for their behaviour in hopes that they will someday change. But they won’t. And staying in an abusive household is life-threatening. To leave, set up a safety plan . Your safety plan should include where you are going to go, what you are to take with you, and the necessary precautions you can take to protect children and pets. Once you are out of the house, it is important to stay out. More than any other time in a violent relationship, a woman is 70 times more likely to be murdered in the few weeks after leaving her abusive partner. Starting Over If you or someone you know is lucky enough to get out of their domestic abuse situation, the next step is finding a new place to live and starting over . Whether you want to buy or rent, working with an estate agent can take a huge burden off your shoulders. It’s critical you partner with someone you feel is trustworthy and discrete, so be sure to ask them questions that will help you feel confident about their experience and expertise.​ Research the best prices and neighbourhoods in your region to start your property search. And don’t rush into buying something if you feel uncertain. For example, an as-is property might have an alluring price tag, but the last thing you need right now is a home fraught with issues . If you can’t afford to invest in a new home, there are advantages to renting an apartment instead. Look for a complex or building where visitors must check in with security before they can enter. This extra barrier can help protect you if your partner discovers your new residence. *** Millions of people every year suffer from domestic abuse and partner violence, you are not alone. There are people available to provide support and resources that can save your life. And when you’re ready to move forward, More Positive Me offers support services and resources to help you to recover and rebuild your life.

On the 7th December Jeanette appeared on Riviera.fm interviewed by David Thomas as part of 16 Days of Action. https://www.mixcloud.com/RivieraFM/good-morning-torbay-david-thomas-7th-december-2021/

The Williscroft Judgement - Andrew Griffiths, former Conservative MP, raped his wife Kate Griffiths, MP, made her submit to sexual demands, spat at her, and threatened to make her homeless.

Busy entrepreneurs who are focused on getting the most out of their business shouldn’t forget to set aside time for themselves. Even if you love your work and are excited about pursuing career goals, an exclusive emphasis on productivity can lead to burnout. You might be so intent on running your business, you don’t realize you’re in danger of burnout until it hits you — then, suddenly, your work isn’t fun anymore. As a result, you may be swamped with feelings of exhaustion, irritation, and even hopelessness. Taking time off for self-care can help reduce the risk of burnout, which will allow you to keep your business running smoothly and — even more importantly — maintain your overall personal wellness. Understand the real value of self-care. It can be hard to grasp the importance of self-care if you have bought into the idea that efficiency and hard work necessitate a constant grind. It doesn’t help that the term is often misused, to suggest or indulgence or even selfishness, instead of routine activities geared towards meeting your basic human needs. Think about your sense of responsibility to family and loved ones. You want to see them happy and thriving and know this is not remotely the same as indulging them. Now apply the same idea to yourself, and you’ll see that self-care is often the opposite of indulgence: it is a responsibility you have toward yourself. Implement physical self-care practices. You won’t be able to run your business efficiently if you are physically worn out, deprived of energy, or experiencing any pain or discomfort. So, make a list of things you can easily do to improve your physical wellness. Eating healthy can be difficult when you are busy, so figure out ways to eat better while on the job, such as switching out big greasy lunches for healthy salads or sandwiches on whole-grain bread. See if you can fit a workout into your day, whether it’s an hour at the gym or a ten-minute walk in the fresh air, or even short exercises incorporated into your work routine. If you are experiencing physical aches and pains, ask a healthcare professional whether stretching exercises or physical therapy can help. You may also want to invest in ergonomic office furniture if you spend a lot of time sitting down. Self-care goes beyond the physical. When you practice self-care, you are tending to your mental and emotional wellness too. While many of the habits that aid in physical health all lend themselves to improved mental health, there are also practices you can implement that are geared specifically toward the health of your mind and emotions . For your psychological well-being, consider practicing meditation or try deep breathing exercises . Take time to unwind by journaling or doing a creative activity such as sculpting or watercolor. Of course, if you are experiencing serious anxiety or depression, you should reach out to a professional for help. Self-care means setting boundaries. Having clear and established boundaries is especially important for entrepreneurs who feel they always need to bring their work home. Yes, there are times when it’s impossible to shrug off your worries, but when you can, establish boundaries between work and life, and prioritize personal or family time. This will be easier to accomplish if you make a habit of delegating instead of feeling you must micromanage everything. One way to make more time for yourself is to hire a virtual assistant who can keep up with the busy work for you. Check out job boards and compare the virtual assistant cost to see whether this option might be helpful for you. These suggested self-care practices are all intended to be aids and supports, not magic fixes. And everyone is different, so your techniques for self-care might differ from those that work for others. Find out what helps you stay happy and upbeat, and integrate it into your lifestyle. If you have difficulty practicing self-care because of past trauma, More Positive Me has many different resources and materials that can help. Gabriel Patel enjoys writing about health and wellness. He co-founded Health Well Wise with a group of friends who share the desire to help people live happy, healthy lives. healthwellwise.com Image via Pixabay

It wasn't until I moved from my home to the office that I really noticed how many books I had collected over the last 10 years. I used to laugh at peoples new year resolutions to read the books they had before they bought new ones, but probably because it resonated with me. I haven't really been a fan of The Kindle or any form of eBook, preferring pages flicking, closing the book and seeing how far I had got. The smell of a new book, or a catalogue for that matter, evokes such memories of new discoveries and adventures. I still have books on an Amazon wish list, so if I'm making a purchase I can add in one of the books I've been recommended, I've just added another three today. The books I'm recommending in this blog aren't novels or fantasy, they are ones that have changed my life with the knowledge they bring. They have helped me transform my life from feeling helpless and alone, to feeling empowered, worthy and capable. They made me realise I was not going mad, that this happens to so many people and we just don't talk about it. Therefore, we don't have the tools to deal with our situations or that of friends or colleagues. I'll only share what I have read and let you know why it made the list. I'll add to it as I go. If you have any recommendations, pop us an email info@morepositiveme.co.uk. Here are two of my favourite authors to get us started. Lundy Bancroft - Why Does He Do That, Inside the minds of angry and controlling men. https://amzn.to/2ZIwDZ7 Recommended by my IDVA at the time, when I just didn't 'get it' Lundy made sense of everything that was going on, explaining actions and reactions and how I could not 'fix' someone I loved. I could however look after myself and my children. Everything Lundy said made sense, it helped he was male, I had a huge lesson to learn that all men were not the same, this American guy in a tank top taught me so much. I'm a huge fan. Robin Norwood - Women Who Love To Much https://amzn.to/2CuFOne I'm not sure how i discovered this one, There are several scenarios with this one, you are highly likely to kind one that resonates, they all have the same advice, showing how, when you run around trying to appease an abuser, you are in fact enabling them. It reminded me of the film 'He's just not that in to you.' It takes a great pressure of you tring to make it work, all you need to do is nothing. This book also follows up with Letters from Women who love to muc h ( https://amzn.to/39bdKBk ) the author after writing the book with letters from women who had their light bulb moment reading the book. Robin Norwood - Daily Meditations For Women Who Love Too Much https://amzn.to/2OGdhO1 Perfect paragraphs to read one a day to affirm our self worth, especially if you enjoyed reading 'Women Who Love Too Much' Lundy Bancroft - Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?: Encouragement for Women Involved with Angry and Controlling Men https://amzn.to/32A0tAY Daily paragraphs to read, on different themes that keep you, or get you, on the right track, making sense of the madness of a controlling relationship. I bought these on DVD and listen to them on the journey to work.

Self-care has so many benefits, but getting into a good self-care routine can feel difficult, and tends to be one of those things that get's put off, or we tell ourselves that we are just too busy. If this sounds like you, then this is exactly why you need to introduce good self-care into your life. Self-care introduces balance and let's be honest who doesn't need that? When we have good self-care we feel able to give people more, our concentration and energy levels are great and it improves our self-worth and self-esteem, sounds like a win-win doesn't it! You'll be more productive Do you find that life feels like you are on a permanent treadmill, running from one job to the next? While desperately feeling like you need a break? Imagine if you took that break, just some time for yourself doing what makes you happy, how would you feel doing this as part of a routine? Taking time out, and doing something that you enjoy regularly, you'll find that you will be more productive, and setting some time aside in your routine means that you will always have that time to look forward to. Improves Relationships Self-care isn't just all about bubble baths and facemasks or even a trip to the gym. Self-care is also knowing when to say no. Have you ever found yourself in a position where someone has asked if you could do something for them, but you are so swamped already? perhaps you are thinking "I really don't need this right now!" Despite all of this, you still find yourself saying "Yes". Saying "no" or even "not at the moment" can make all the difference for YOU, if you tie yourself up in knots all the time for others, they won't receive the best of you. You may feel, grumpy, tired, and even resentful because they asked you in the first place, and a snappy person isn't an easy person to have a relationship with. It leaves people wondering what they have done and possibly, feeling hurt. Saying no is saying yes to yourself and healthier relationship. Improves our immune systems When we introduce self-care techniques into our lives our immune system becomes stronger. Stress and the chemicals we get from it are not good for our health, when we constantly flood our bodies with stress chemicals we become prone to illness', which could start as the odd spot here or there, fatigue, rashes, or even diarrhoea. When we look at illness' like autoimmune diseases, asthma, or eczema we already know that these illnesses' are made worse by stress. Getting the right nutrition and exercise is important to maintain these conditions, but rest and relaxation are as equally as important too. So you see there are hidden benefits to self-care, and ultimately self-care is about introducing and maintaining balance in our lives. So many of us ignore the signs of stress and continue to plod on through, and yet if we broke a leg, we wouldn't be doing the shuffle dance and risk damaging our leg even more! we would be resting and taking time to recover. I was recently asked to be a guest speaker in a online course, it's designed to support people to introduce and maintain good self-care habits in their lives. It's a really worthwhile course and you'll see a few appearances from me! Click here to take a look, and start your self care journey! Laura Sollis, Time for you - Counselling and Psychotherapy 11 Gandy Street, Exeter Devon & The Lady Mills Centre, Deep Lane, Crediton, Devon laurajsollis@gmail.com Telephone : 07895848591

Do you know your preferred behaviour style? If you don’t, then you’re not alone. Many people are not aware that we even have preferred behaviour styles, let alone what they are exactly. This week I ran a workshop for the lovely people at More Positive Me in Devon. The workshop was based on DiSC and the aim was to give everyone a clearer view of what might be motivating them in their behaviours, and what might make communicating with other people easier. Understanding and dealing with stressors What actually happened was a very interesting and eye-opening session where people start to notice what may have been pushing their buttons. Suddenly people were saying things like: “oh yes, I recognise myself, and I recognise my relatives, and we are all so DIFFERENT!” and “Oh, wow, so THAT’s now I need to deal with these people after all.” And even: “I feel more confident now, just knowing that we have these different styles, and each one of them has it’s own challenges”. DiSC is a brilliant tool to discover your personality type, and I deliver session for businesses all over the UK. A fabulous tool for communication and management, and evidently a brilliant one for understanding past issues, and helping to resolve them. The difference between Personality and Behaviour styles: Yes, there is a difference. Basically personality can be ingrained in us by the time we hit our early 20’s. and although we are all work in progress, the styles are fairly clear. Behaviour is less clear-cut, and we can change our behaviours far more easily than we can change our entire personality. It’s also a lot less challenging to tweak a behaviour than to start to make changes to (what seems like) our identity. A particularly useful way of looking at our behaviour styles, is the concept of trying out different behaviours to notice what the results are. For example, someone who is particularly steady and reflective, might want to be more fast-paced and spontaneous. We can notice these elements within ourselves and see how it goes when we flex our behaviour styles. For more information on DiSC please see here: https://bigresults-training.com/disc-and-mbti/disc-facilitation-and-training/ © Sue Haswell. By Sue Haswell, www.bigresults-training.com

by JeanetteBrown My blog was published on the SafeLives Community in 2018, and here it is, a little edited. I first discovered self-care in 2010, it wast the year I turned forty, left my husband and attended a fantastic course called Pattern Changing. It changed my life. Our homework each week was to do something or buy something for ourselves, it was so hard. I bought a cushion, I was never allowed cushions. It was cerise pink velvet with diamante, how decadent! It was a revelation for me, and brought me so much joy. What I have recognised over time, that this isn’t about buying a cushion, it’s about your self-worth. It’s about realising you are important, just as important as everyone else, and recognising that importance is the key to resilience. We are conditioned to believe that doing something for yourself like this is selfish, and this in turn stops us doing the very thing that will lift us up. Now this is a skill that needs honing. I ended up with 62 cushions and realised that the pendulum effect had taken hold – I’m now down to a respectful 20. If I bought cushions and didn’t focus on any other aspect, well then there would be trouble. For the last 5 years I have been working in front line domestic abuse services. I have been a director of More Positive Me fora year running courses for people impacted by domestic abuse. I often talk to service users about the oxygen mask, especially when I can see they are trying to put their children first & self-sacrificing. On an aeroplane when the hostess’ are doing their safety procedure, what do they tell to do? They tell you to put the mask on yourself before you put it on the children. And why? Because if you don’t get your mask on first, you will pass out and be no use to anyone. The same applies to life, if you don’t look after yourself, you will go downhill and be no use to anyone. I love analogies – the phrase ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’ is a popular one too. If this is all new to you, and you don’t know where to begin, ask yourself these questions: What do I like? Who am I? It may become a voyage of self-discovery. On taking suggestions from the group, one Pattern Changing attendee decided she would have a soak in the bath. When she relayed her story to the group the following week, she had the whole class in stitches about the catalogue of errors in trying to achieve this. She had concluded that self-care was hard work and not worth the struggle. After a conversation however, she divulged that she had never much liked baths and was more of a shower girl. She treated herself to some fragrant shower gel, and decided to play music and have a sing along – this worked for her. Another attendee would, week by week, make steps towards Patisserie Valarie; one week going past on the bus, another week starring at the cakes from the window, to eventually going in & eating a cake. I love the tantric build up in this story, and the sheer joy of allowing herself eventually the indulgence. So how do we fill that cup up? To get a balance its best to break down your self-care into three categories – mind, body and soul. Be careful that the ‘treat’ is exactly that. A glass of wine on a Friday can be deemed as self-care, having to resort to a bottle on a Monday evening because you’ve had a terrible day, is more like self-sabotage. Make time for yourself daily, eat a balanced diet, take a lunch break (away from your desk) have regular clinical supervision, get time outside in the fresh air and exercise. If something is sitting on your mind, talk to your colleagues. Keep an eye out for your colleagues too. Vicarious trauma is no fun, burn out even worse, and self-care is the key to keeping these ogres away. When you work in the field of domestic abuse, or other care services, your very role is giving, pouring from that cup. Therefore, self-care is even more important. Part of this is recognising when your cup is running empty, being honest with yourself and not seeing it as a sign of weakness if you start to go downhill rapidly. Practice what you preach. I love the idea of mental health days. There was an email that went viral on social media, a fantastic boss that when someone emailed him to say they were taking a day off for their mental well-being, he agreed and thought it was a good idea. That’s a boss who recognises that when his staff are well, they perform much better. So, I’m going to throw some ideas in the pot for employers, to fill up your team’s cups. Have regular team days, where people feel listened to and supported, social events, fundraising tasks/challenges. Invite someone in on a regular occurrence to give seated massage, Indian head massage, allow flexible working and working from home, where possible. Hold regular supervision, and really get to know what’s going on for your team, at home and at work. What are their goals and aspirations and what other skills do they have that they may be keen to bring to the table? Give praise, where praise is due, don’t keep it in your head, share it. Employee incentives and recognising excellent work are great moral boosters and of course, encouraging self-care. So how often do you need to do this? It’s a new habit for you and they say it takes 21 days to form or break a habit, so try 21 days in a row of doing something nice for you. It can be just 10 minutes a day, a meditation, a walk around the block in your lunch break, paint your nails, whatever floats your boat. If you fall off the wagon, get back on. It will start to become part of your life, and you’ll reap the rewards, I know, because I did.