Day 12 – Red flags

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For those that have been in an unhealthy relationship you may be afraid of entering other new relationships because of your past. Today we can take a moment to consider areas in a new relationship where you might want to lookout and be mindful of the other persons behaviour.  This is looking for actions or words that don’t ring true, or hold your Bill of Rights at the front of the relationship.

 

There is often a pattern that perpetrators of controlling relationships follow. You may notice some comments are made or behaviours occur that are like little red flags, warning you that things are not quite right and making you feel uncomfortable.  Because you love and trust this person it is easy to dismiss these little signs, and your inner feelings.

 

At the start of the new relationship your partner will be very attentive, very caring,  and appear very understanding.

As the relationship develops they may try to cut off close family and friends by suggesting that they need you more, and to show that you love them you must spend all of your time with them.

 

Often the relationship moves very fast  and a controller may suggest that they can’t live without you and therefore you should move in together within a matter of

weeks or months of knowing each other.

 

They may suggest that they love you and want to ensure your safe, and therefore need to know your every move.

 

They want to check your phone know who you have been speaking to or meeting with.

 

They suggest that if you love them you will do as they ask, or act as they ask.

 

They use some form of threats to get to to do what they want.

 

They use force they use force or violence to get what they want. They apologise and say it won’t happen again. But it does.

 

They are not considering your Bill of Rights.

 

 

These might appear to be the actions of someone who cares, but it could also be a red flag that the relationship is being driven purely by the controllers need to have that overall control. Someone in an equal partnership, and comfortable within the relationship would not need to know your every move, or become jealous of family and friends.

 

These points may indicate a controlling relationship. These are not definite signs of a controlling relationship, but if you noticed there are several of these within your own relationship you may wish to recognise that it could be one-sided and over-controlling in nature.